Domestic violence:a true story

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Domestic violence:a true story

Post  Lingbing on Sun Oct 02, 2011 11:57 am

There’s a Chinese saying that you don’t wash your dirty linen in public. When the founder of “Crazy English”, Li Yang, whose wife revealed him he’s a wife-beater, people were really surprised. But not just because he did something so heinous… people were also surprised that this kind of “family conflict” would be publicly revealed intentionally.

The following is some of the quotes from the Chinese press:
From Global Times:
"She ruined my career and my image, which I have spent 20 years building... But, I was afraid of saying something stupid that I would regret my whole life. So I chose to cool down and continue my work instead of facing it."

From China Daily:
"Our problem involves character and cultural differences, which are difficult to solve through counseling... The conflicts snowballed. I hit her sometimes but I never thought she would make it public since it's not Chinese tradition to expose family conflicts to outsiders. But I still respect her for raising three girls on her own and for her passion for her students."

From Shanghai Daily:
"I was in a rage and I wanted to die with my wife. I charged to her, pushed her down and knocked her head against the floor several times... At the time I was probably semi-conscious."
"A husband beating his own wife cannot be called a problem, some of my friends have told me. Many Chinese people think the same and they prefer to keep silent because they believe it is simply family business not to be disclosed."
"I hope I can be a negative example warning people of the seriousness of domestic violence and persuading them to offer love instead of rage to their family members,"
"But now I have taught my daughters that when they encounter such domestic violence in the future, they should scream for help rather than keep silent."
"I hope more people can learn from me and the incident may help the country to make laws."
For a full version of Cross-cultural Marriage and Domestic Violence please refer to:
http://www.echinacities.com/china-media/is-cross-cultural-marriage-changing-the-way-china-views.html
some info about Li Yang
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Li_Yang_(Crazy_English)

Share with people of PFH your opinion on the case. Tell us you views on the following (but not limited to) questions:
1. Do you think Li Yang is serious with his marriage and his family?
2. How do you think his apology and his wish that he “can be a negative example”?
3. In your opinion, will Li Yang stop beating his wife?
4. Apparently there’s a concept here in China that “it’s no big deal beating wife”, and even if some men do,people don’t think “family conflict” should be brought to public. WHAT CAN WE DO?
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Re: Domestic violence:a true story

Post  Guest on Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:20 pm

Thank you Lingbing for posting this. I feel this topic is so controversial especially in China and that it is great for discussion.

From what I have read below 1. I admire Li Yang for stepping up and to acknowledge his wrong doing because anyone in his shoes would be ashamed and would not want to label him/her self and abuser. 2. It sheds light on what is such a taboo topic and letting people no such behaviour/acts are not ok 3. Also, it is the first step to recovery.

I think it is terrible that it had got as bad as it did, there needs to be light shed on the topic and education into domestic violence in schools so then such situations can be avoided. No one, both the abused and abuser should face such terrible experiences. From what I have read on Li Yang, his behaviour was almost like a act of desperation. He did not know of any other alternative he could use to vent his anger.

After reading this case, I really look forward to the day when Pfh starts putting its Domestic Violence Project into work, even just awareness activities and the workshops for anger management would make such a significant difference in society. The more tools/awareness there is available for domestic violence, the better off society will be.

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Re: Domestic violence:a true story

Post  kelin lai on Tue Oct 04, 2011 10:17 pm

Thanks for that posting and Tiff's deep consideration to help me writing down my ideas!


From these articles I've read,what a pitiful famouse teacher 'Li yang is,and the trouble he's facing.(Hopefully, his wife is strong enough to let us know the fact and curb the tragedy immidiately.But I feel ashamed as a Chinese male for him,which as a half-scholar can be that crazy!)Actually I've been to his CRAZY camp to shout English when I was 14,and escaped from the beginning of that class before meet him(Btw,without courage to let them give back my tuition fee Mad )

Since then,I supposed to know the best way of learning is be peaceful(reading,writing,reciting),detachment(not to be disturbed by those fussys),practice even though keep on making mistakes,but have faith on it and never give up,passion(love it deeply from heart,but still peaceful,not drive me mad) Smile

After reading this case,I expressed my awarness,and really look forward to make some good effort even though little,but brilliant,as one tiny star shining on the clear sky!
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Thank you, guys

Post  Lingbing on Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:55 am

Thank you very much, Tiff and Lai, for posting your thoughts and opinions here.

Li Yang is famous here, esp. with English learners in China. I met him personally once when I was still at school. He seemed to me very enthusiastic, passionate, and a bit crazy, just like the approach he has been advocating in learning English.

He described that he's more work-oriented than family-oriented when interviewed after his case was revealed. But this seems to me it's another way to say that he doesn't care much about his family, which probably is the root of domestic violence. He chose to be in a relationship he has no much passion about from the very beginning. No doubt he is a victim himself in the relationship.

Like Tiff, I am also quite expecting our angerness workshop and relationship course, which are the key to stop domestic violence from the very beginning.

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Re: Domestic violence:a true story

Post  Admin on Thu Oct 13, 2011 2:07 pm

Thank you Lingbing for posting and Tiff and Kelin for participating in this exchange.

This topic is so controversial and it's difficult sometimes to express what we feel about it. And in China, due to the culture difference, I feel like we need to dig a little bit more to really understand the roots of the issue.

Concerning Li yang and to answer your questions Lingbing, I feel like he does care about his family but to what extent? There is one sentence that he said that bothers me a little bit: "Li Yang, discussing this statement, commented that the future of their marital relationship would depend on his wife's decision and that he wanted to see how he could be better for her, adding that "if she decides she wants divorce, I will accept that"". I feel like it's a bit weak. Like the future of their relationship depends on her, and not on him doing his best to make it work. Then he says that she can accept her decision, as if he didn't care...that's just my feeling.

But like Tiff was saying, I admire the fact that he owns up his action that he has publicly apologized. He wishes to be a good example for others and want people to learn from his bad behavior. I do think that this is good in helping our work. I'm sure that by reading this, more women will be a bit less fearful to tell their story to the light. But let's not dream, it will take a long time. With Peace for Humanity raising awareness about that project, I trust that more and more the silence will be broken.

I don't know if Li Yang will stop beating his wife. But we know that he has taken the first step to rehabilitation and that is to admit he was wrong. That is a huge step. Well, because he is already famous, he kind of had no choice to do so. So it's not like he did it himself. Hopefully, the counseling that they are getting at Maple Hotline will help.

To answer your last question, I think that the best way to change this concept in the mind of Chinese people is to educate them about the repercussions of such behavior. Teach women and men about human rights and how a women is valuable in the society. Teach them that a man beating his wife not only has negatives effects on her, but on her children, his family, the society and the whole world.

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Domestic Violence Law

Post  Guest on Sat Oct 22, 2011 4:52 pm

For the people that are like me and sometimes prefer watching videos because it is a fast and efficient way to gain knowledge in areas of interest, i have attached a current video in regards to the domestic violence situation in China. In particular it talks about the latest development on DV Law in China which is pretty exciting considering it is still a area relatively untouched.

http://english.cntv.cn/program/china24/20111018/103634.shtml

Enjoy!
Tiff

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Re: Domestic violence:a true story

Post  Admin on Mon Oct 24, 2011 4:30 pm

Thank you for the video Tiff! It just makes me even more excited to do something about domestic violence. I think that we are doing something at the right moment as China is slowly being conscious about this issue. I believe that our efforts will not be in vain and that we will do something concrete and to the road of success for victims of domestic violence.
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